Don't Call My Name
by KC87
Summary: Sicario. A year after her last meeting with Alejandro, Kate Macer gets an unexpected visit. Alejandro/Kate Macer kind of.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sicario. I am not profiting from this in any way.

 _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know this is messed up to ship these two, but I couldn't stop myself._

 **Don't Call My Name**

It had been a year since she signed off on the document. It had been a year since she traded her soul, her pride - everything she believed in - to live. Kate Macer regrets scribbling her name across that piece of paper. She's never quite felt dignified since that day, and she believes with the fragments that remain of her soul that she should have ripped that paper to shreds.

There's this one song on the radio. It's outdated - a bit too old to play regularly, but not quite old enough to disappear from airplay.

" _Don't call my name. Don't call my name, Alejandro."_

It's a stupid song. It's outdated _Top 40_ garbage, and she's never imagined a _Lady Gaga_ song would be that one thing that always triggers a panic attack. She heard that song today again in _Tempe Market Place_. She remembers the faces of several people staring at her as she wrapped her arms around herself as her entire body seemed to shut down in the middle of an outdoor mall.

She's had these attacks several times a year. Kate is able to suppress them on the job, because damn if she'll let this get in the way of her work ethic. It's when she's alone at home or sometimes she'll see a cashier with his name. Or she'll hear that damned song, and she'll just lose it.

Tonight, she's alone, and she can't talk to anyone. She can't even talk to her best friend Reggie, because she's just too lost in all the lies she's told about how her signature ended up on that piece of paper.

 _"There's nothing I can do about it, Reggie. It's fucked up, but it was the best I could do."_

It's horrific how alone she is in this secret. She can't talk it over with a friend. She can't even go to a shrink, because if she ever disclosed the truth, she'd be a dead woman walking.

Kate grabs the bottle of whiskey from her counter. She knows she has a drinking problem. It's been a problem for the last year, and she can't exactly get real help for the anxiety attacks, the nightmares, or the horrific overwhelming self-loathing she feels. So, she resigns to drink her problems away, because there really is no other escape then drowning herself in a bottle of whiskey.

Kate twists the cap off the bottle of Jameson as she stands in front of her kitchen counter. She doesn't even bother to get a shot glass anymore. She throws the bottle back and drinks straight from the bottle with no regard to how much she's actually drinking. It's a dangerous dance to drink this much. She's known this for awhile now. _But_ , it kills the pain just enough so that she may live with herself one more day.

Kate carries the bottle in hand. She walks down her hall into the living room, and that's when she sees him. She damn near drops her bottle of whiskey, but she grasp it hard before it slips from her fingers. She has a feeling she's going to need every drop of alcohol in that bottle later tonight.

" _What are you doing here?_ "

She'd meant to shout at him, but she's too damn scared. Her voice is meek and shaky like she's still a child rather than a grown, capable Agent of the FBI. She tries to gather what little strength she has left in her, but she can't. The tears are forming, and she knows she can't be strong.

"Please go," her voice trembles. "Just leave _please_."

"I needed to see you again," he turns to face her. "Just one last time."

" _Why?_ " her voice cracks as she speaks. "Are you here to kill me? I haven't said anything to anyone. I've kept up to my part of this shit no matter how much I hate myself for it!"

"I'm not here to kill you, Kate," he takes two steps closer to her.

She has to force herself to look him in the eyes, and she swears she sees a hint of humanity in the cold eyes of this killer.

"What do you want, then?" her voice is becoming more steady.

"I told you," his voice is cold and emotionless. "I needed to see you again."

She swallows the lump in her throat as he takes one last step towards her. She could try to make a run for her pistol on the kitchen counter. She could try to attack him, but Kate is realistic on how utterly stupid it would be to attack him.

 _"Don't ever point a weapon at me again."_

The words stick in her mind like a faint echo, and she swears she can feel the pain of those bullets hitting her body armor all over again. His hands touch the skin of her cheek, and she swears that his hand feels like fire against her skin.

He lays a soft kiss on her lips, and pulls away from her just as quickly. Kate feels as if her body has shut down completely, and she imagines that this must be what it is like to kiss the devil.

He doesn't say anything as he leaves. Not even a simple goodbye. She thinks she's grateful when she leaves, but there's just something in her that makes her run to her balcony. She's looking down at him, and he turns to gaze up at her. It's a recreation of that old memory from a year ago except she's not holding a gun, and she's not sure whether she wants to kill him or to run to him.

...

A week later, she's approached by Matt Graver. Reggie stands next to her, and she can see all the anger in the world fill her best friend's eyes. Matt just smiles his smug little smile. He's just as scummy and horrible as he's always been.

"Macer, I've been asked if you'd like to assist us on another assignment."

"What the _hell_ is _wrong_ with you, Graver," she hears Reggie snap.

Kate places a hand on her friend's shoulder to calm him - to remind him that she can protect herself. She eyes Matt with contempt. She hates him, and she knows she'll always hate this awful scumbag of a human being.

"Yes," she agrees. "I will be willing to assist you."

She feels like she's just signed her life away. Reggie glances back at her with shock and a hint of anger. It makes her feel terrible, but she can't decline this offer. She needs to see _him_ again. She's caught in this awful web, and the only thing she can do is be a part of his awful world.


End file.
